(Dear Mikki)
I know that a lot of things that I say, think or do, are not right,
For example what I did last night.
I dont expect from anybody to understand me, I dont expect it from you,
Nobody sees the world and handles life, like the way that I do.
Its not a pretty sight, and sometimes I make such a mess.
But I didnt ask for it, to devote my life to other peoples happiness
Its just the way I am, and I cant handle it at all,
I am convinced there will be a day, where Ill breakdown and fall.
It doesnt always work you know, you are not always happy,
And then I hurt inside, and reverse your sadness and anger on me.
If only it would always work, if all my loved ones could be fine
Then I would always be ok, and there would never be a time,
Where I need to suffer, for not accomplishing my goals in life,
Where I cant resist the urge to take that goddamned knife
There will be a time,
Where I can be fine,
Where I can have peace with myself and everybody around me,
Where I can open my eyes and smile at what I see.
And I will be a mother one day,
No matter what other people say.
I will be one of the best, you will see,
Because I will never create a monster, like my parents did with me.
I am what I am, there is nothing I can do.
And I am sorry for causing you pain, by simply loving you.
22.05.2001